Best Mayor Ever
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford holds the cookie we baked, proclaiming him "Best Mayor" in Canada, and perhaps best mayor anywhere, ever. Mooseclean's also sent him a love note in honour…
Ford decrees that pie charts be made with real pie
TORONTO—Citing confusion over his understanding of the amount of funding that the Province of Ontario would be contributing to Toronto's subway extension into Scarborough, Mayor Rob Ford has introduced a…
Russian court sentences dead lawyer to life in prison retroactively
MOSCOW—Sergei Magnitsky, a Russian attorney imprisoned and awaiting trial for suspected tax evasion, was unexpectedly released last week after his cellmate found him unresponsive. Doctors later discovered he was suffering…
Interview: Edward Snowden accepts asylum in Antigua
NSA whistleblower says he will stay in West Indies island paradise until the money runs out and the girls run home Ending all speculation and a number of published rumours,…
Mayor Rob Ford refuses to add canoe lanes to Toronto roads
with illustration & reporting by finklebottom TORONTO—If the aftermath of Monday's flood in Toronto, where a month's worth of rain fell on the city within a few hours, environmentalists and…
Abandoning all pretense, candidate runs on sign colour platform
LOCAL—Voters beware. The next candidate to arrive on your doorstep may have absolutely nothing to say other than "Vote for me!", if Fraser Young's campaign is the way of things…
Clueless parent pledges to defend neurotic child ‘at any cost’
WINNIPEG—The father of a 20-year-old Winnipeg woman arrested for hitting a man and his small child with her car, then biting a police officer who sought to intervene, says the…
National day of smugness ends quietly, without incident
The mass demonstrations of conceit that swept the country yesterday were dispelled today, as people returned to their homes and jobs en masse. The yearly cultural phenomenon known internationally as…
Everything anyone could ever possibly need to know about Canada
Yes, it was back in this day in 1867 when a bunch of profoundly inebriated politicians declared: “Yesh indeed. Lesh make theesh conolies, uhhhhh, colonies, into a county! Unggghhh. Country.…
Wayward Senators, Ministers to be outfitted with GPS tracking devices
The Prime Minister has greenlit a secret project intended to deter future recurrances of expense travel scandals. First conceived of in response to former Minister of National Defence Peter MacKay's…