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Patrick Brown is our Ex, and Ontario is Us
OTTAWA—“It’s not you, it’s me.” With those words, Patrick Brown broke up with Ontario AGAIN. Brown stepped down as Ontario PC Party leader January 24 after CTV reported that two women were accusing him of sexual misconduct. After three weeks… Continue Reading
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God Improves Record to 52-0 with Latest Super Bowl Win
MINNEAPOLIS—The Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots 41-33 in Super Bowl 52 on Sunday. With the win, God keeps his perfect record intact. “I can only give the praise to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Chirst,” said Eagles coach… Continue Reading
Loblaws Apologizes for Price-Fixing with Bait-and-Switch
TORONTO—After conceding to their participation in a bread price-fixing scheme, Loblaws has risen to the occasion and is offering customers a twenty-five dollar gift card as a gesture of goodwill. However, some are saying the fine print shows that… Continue Reading
Men reminded to plan now for post-holiday estrangement
Photo: Wonderlane (CC BY 2.0) It’s that time of year again: a time of warmth and togetherness and giving and good cheer—or so the media would have you believe. But for those of us living in reality, we know it’s… Continue Reading
Carolers Accuse “Baby it’s Cold Outside” of Sexual Misconduct
TORONTO—A group of carolers is accusing the classic holiday song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” of sexual misconduct. Inspired by the #MeToo movement, the singers say the time has come to retire the predatory tune. “The male voice in the song… Continue Reading
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The Night After Christmas
‘Twas the night after Christmas, when all through the house
Was an orgy of presents, worth more than… the house;
The Xbox was stuffed up the chimney with care,
For fear that the repo-man soon would be there;
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