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God Improves Record to 52-0 with Latest Super Bowl Win
MINNEAPOLIS—The Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots 41-33 in Super Bowl 52 on Sunday. With the win, God keeps his perfect record intact. “I can only give the praise to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Chirst,” said Eagles coach… Continue Reading
Loblaws Apologizes for Price-Fixing with Bait-and-Switch
TORONTO—After conceding to their participation in a bread price-fixing scheme, Loblaws has risen to the occasion and is offering customers a twenty-five dollar gift card as a gesture of goodwill. However, some are saying the fine print shows that… Continue Reading
Men reminded to plan now for post-holiday estrangement
Photo: Wonderlane (CC BY 2.0) It’s that time of year again: a time of warmth and togetherness and giving and good cheer—or so the media would have you believe. But for those of us living in reality, we know it’s… Continue Reading
Carolers Accuse “Baby it’s Cold Outside” of Sexual Misconduct
TORONTO—A group of carolers is accusing the classic holiday song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” of sexual misconduct. Inspired by the #MeToo movement, the singers say the time has come to retire the predatory tune. “The male voice in the song… Continue Reading
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The Night After Christmas
‘Twas the night after Christmas, when all through the house
Was an orgy of presents, worth more than… the house;
The Xbox was stuffed up the chimney with care,
For fear that the repo-man soon would be there;
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Ross Petty Presents My Contorted Christmas Face
TORONTO—Everybody’s favourite Christmas ham, Ross Petty, has returned with his latest holiday send-up. This year promises to be one to remember with a roster of hapless actors and cross-dressing facial contortionists presenting A Christmas Carol. The production features the usual… Continue Reading
Transit’s #thisiswhere Unintentionally Useful
TORONTO—In September, the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) launched an awareness campaign to combat all forms of harassment on transit property. Over the last month, use of the #thisiswhere has skyrocketed. “I love this is where!” enthused TTC rider Emma Bowling.… Continue Reading