Toronto Mayor Introduces Sidewalk Fast Lanes to Accommodate Impatient Pedestrians
TORONTO — In a bold move to address the growing impatience of urban pedestrians, the Mayor of Toronto, Olivia Chow, has announced the introduction of “fast lanes” on city sidewalks.…
Trump Election, COVID-19 Lockdown Delivered Knockout Punch to Human Decorum
OTTAWA — Sociologists and etiquette aficionados alike continue grappling with a societal shift of unprecedented proportions. The overall consensus blames the presidency of Donald Trump and the subsequent COVID-19 lockdown…
The 2024 Presidential Election: A True American Horror Story
Dear Americans, lock your doors, turn on all the lights, and clutch your loved ones tight. The 2024 presidential election season is here, and it’s shaping up to be a…
Blue’s Clues Booze Cruise Sinking Childhood Memories
MIAMI — Parents across the nation are reeling this week after news broke that Steve Burns, the beloved former host of the children’s television show “Blue’s Clues,” has launched a…
Nerds Invade Yukon for Permafrost Thaw
In a world where a frozen wasteland is the new last-chance-to-see tourist hotspot, scientists and engineers are flocking to the Yukon to witness the majestic thawing of permafrost. Who needs…
Canada to Commemorate Indian Act 150 with Grilled Cheese Pow Wow on Parliament Hill
OTTAWA — In an initiative that has sparked both confusion and controversy, the Canadian government has announced plans to commemorate the 150th anniversary of the Indian Act with a unique…
Galen Weston Embraces Criticism, Unveils New Product Lines
TORONTO — In an announcement today, Loblaws president Galen Weston has decided to embrace the growing criticism and public mockery of his company by launching a new line of products…
Poilievre’s Security Clearance Avoidance: Hiding Secrets and Ducking Accountability
OTTAWA — Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre, known for his penchant for outspokenness, has found a curious loophole: silence. While the nation grapples with the shocking findings of recent reports…
Op-Ed: Diane Deans’ Name on Greenboro Community Centre? A Misguided Tribute
It appears Ottawa has chosen to honour Diane Deans by renaming the Greenboro Community Centre after her. A heartwarming gesture, surely, for those who never had the “pleasure” of dealing…
Ottawa Names First Nightlife Commissioner to Revamp the City’s Snooze-Fest Reputation
OTTAWA — Are you ready to party? No, seriously! Ottawa has appointed Mathieu Grondin as its first-ever Nightlife Commissioner. Grondin, known for his previous exploits in turning Montreal into a…