Juno Awards nominees no surprise – Not even a little
TORONTO—The 2014 Juno Awards nominees were announced this week. The list came as a surprise to nobody. All the usual suspects litter the roster of Canada’s best musicians. Hedley? Yep.…
Rehab is penicillin for your personality
It seems more and more celebrities are embracing rehab as an alternative to issuing an apology, going to jail or just being less of an asshole. Rehab for Old Hollywood…
Cutting the cheese
EAST COAST, USA—What food comes in a loaf, melts like a dream and is shelf stable? Velveeta, of course! But the processed cheese product that coats teeth and adheres to…
It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—They’re dropping like flies at the Australian Open. With temperatures topping 40 degrees Celsius, fans and players alike are succumbing to Mother Nature. “I’m from Canada, and I don’t…
Quiznos new nine-inch sub aims to please
Above: One woman deeply satisfied... the other buries her frustrations in a book. CANADA—A new Quiznos television ad declares Sometimes six inches isn’t enough, and sometimes twelve inches is too…
No free lunch for hungry Torontonians
TORONTO—The ice storm that hit Toronto December 21st left a trail of destruction including broken trees, downed hydro lines and a widespread power outage. It was also responsible for a…
Ford is a super, super, super, super, super, super, super dancer
TORONTO—Earlier this week, Rob Ford regaled city council with two disingenuous apologies and a handcuff pantomime. But the real highlight of the day was when the council floor rocked out…
Engagement Season Survival Tips
Yes, it’s the holiday season. But there’s also another season upon us. Engagement season. It’s important to both honor the excitement of newly-engaged friends, while also shielding yourself from the…
Sochi Olympics to be shot on dash cams
SOCHI, RUSSIA—The Olympic Broadcasting Services announced today that the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi will be broadcast via dashboard-mounted camera. Known formally as “videoregistrators”, the ubiquitous cameras are poised to…
Book Fight Club
KAMLOOPS, B.C.—Amy Parsons was hosting her monthly book club Sunday night when discussion and laughter devolved into insults and fisticuffs. “I’m not really sure how it happened. One minute, we…