Chris Harrison is the Next Bachelor
HOLLYWOOD—They say when one door closes on a racist white man, another opens. It seems that’s the case for Chris Harrison, who was dismissed as host of The Bachelor franchise…
Oops, He Did it Again
OTTAWA—Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, it’s a kink. Liberal MP William Amos has again been caught with his pants down. Last month, Amos appeared nude during…
Zac Efron Lends his Beautiful Face and Empty Mind to New Show
LOS ANGELES—Zac Efron is the face of an original Netflix program that’s part travel show, part classroom, and part eye candy. In Down to Earth, Efron crisscrosses the globe with…
Parents Argue Over Culturally Relevant Halloween Costume
CALGARY—Parents Shareem and Todd Wilson remain deadlocked in a debate over what their child should be for Halloween. The pressure to balance edgy with cute in a way that will…
Diners Demand a Return to Meat-Based Meat
CANADA—The new wave of plant-based meat is not everyone’s cup of chili. Across the nation, diners are demanding a return to meat-based meat. “I was at a barbeque last weekend…
Prostitution Charges Rub Patriots Owner the Wrong Way
Sports is all about ritual. Eating the same breakfast. Putting on the right shoe first. Kissing a charm for good luck. On the day of the AFC title game, the…
Kardashian family tree discovered
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—Despite their obsession with remaining steadfastly within the public eye, the Kardashians have been remarkably evasive when confronted with rumours that the family originates from impoverished ancestry. Now,…
Louis CK embarks on highly-anticipated return to exhibitionist masturbation
Louis C.K. made a tentative return to masturbating in front of junior staff last night—asking some unknown comediennes to watch him masturbate in front of them at a small New…
Pope’s treatise like a letter to Penthouse
Pope Francis has penned a church document entitled “The Joy of Love”, and devout Catholics are saying it reads like a letter to Penthouse.
Bitch-slapping skank-chokers applaud Ghomeshi verdict
The acquittal of media personality and hate-fucker Jian Ghomeshi on all counts of sexual assault and choking is being celebrated nationwide today.