Canada still contesting with Santa for arctic sovereignty
OTTAWA—Despite another year of goodwill from Old St. Nick, Canada is holding steadfast to its claim over the North Pole, previously filed with the UN Commission on the Limits of…
Sochi Olympics to be shot on dash cams
SOCHI, RUSSIA—The Olympic Broadcasting Services announced today that the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi will be broadcast via dashboard-mounted camera. Known formally as “videoregistrators”, the ubiquitous cameras are poised to…
Redskins announce list of alternative team names
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an apparent yield to public pressure and the latest appeal from The National Congress of American Indians, the Washington Redskins have finally announced willingness to to explore a…
LGBT group decries FDA ban on Trans Fats
Trans Fats will be systematically eliminated from American society if a proposed ban by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration is given approval, according to an official news release on…
Dell to release expanded line of scented laptops
ROUND ROCK, Texas—Disappointed by the negative public reaction Dell received for their initial foray into the emerging scented laptop market, founder, chairman and CEO Michael Dell announced the company is…
Ireland to legalize drunk driving
DUBLIN, Ireland—In a not particularly surprising move today, the government of Ireland has announced that it is considering legalizing moderately drunk driving for rural residents.
Child’s death spoils perfectly nice holiday
DAMXUNG COUNTY, TIBET—It was supposed to be the family vacation of a lifetime—seven days in Tibet. But for Hillary Wendt, the journey will be memorable for all the wrong reasons.…
Rum, Sodomy and the Death
DUBLIN—A member of the rough and tumble Irish band The Pogues has died. And to everyone’s surprise, it’s not lead singer Shane MacGowan.
Iowa to Issue Driver’s Licences to the Blind
Fresh off the implementation of inclusive reforms allowing legally blind residents to carry and use firearms, Iowa announced plans on Monday to allow the legally blind to drive vehicles.
Missouri to resurrect gas chambers with recycled vehicle emissions
Missouri state attorney general Chris Koster has a problem. "Simply put, the state is running out of lethal-injection drugs," he said. "They're still available for a price, but it's one…