Letters to the editor: Stupid, free newspapers begone!
Every day on the bus ride to work I disembark at Metcalfe Station, where every day fat, unshaven men in garish, corporate vests try to make me read their free…
Spring has sprung!
CANADA—Today is the first official day of spring. So whether you’re sitting on a sunny patio or digging out of three feet of snow, it’s time to welcome the change…
Experts worry Kevin O’Leary may have brain damage
Experts fear millionaire businessman and Dragon’s Den investor Kevin O’Leary may be suffering from brain damage, after he told the audience of CBC’s “The Lang and O’Leary Exchange” that he…
Mexican migrant workers help locals improve their English skills
Mexican migrant workers have long been valued in Southern Ontario for their durable bodies and strong work ethic, but now many of them have another valuable skill to offer –…
Passport hopes dashed
VANCOUVER—Now that Canadian passports can be renewed for ten years, local thirty-something Melanie Bart was looking forward to her stunning new picture. “I thought this was my big chance! I…
Insensitive boy’s Facebook cancer announcement traumatizes millions
Millions of well-meaning adults and one broken-hearted child were left scarred and devastated yesterday after a photograph of a boy holding up a sign reading “I’VE LOST MY BATTLE WITH…
Canada’s top Economics prof admits: “I don’t get it”
William Langille, one of Canada’s top Economics professors at the University of Toronto, has admitted that he doesn’t actually understand our economic system at all. “I don’t get it,” he…
Calorie counts to curb obesity? Fat chance!
OTTAWA—Health Minister Deb Matthews has announced legislation requiring fast food chains to display calorie and nutritional information on their menus and menu boards. Officials hope the move will help the…
Trudeau calls Dibs on assisted suicide
Federal Liberals have voted in favour of legalizing assisted suicide. Leader Justin Trudeau, hesitant, at first, to reveal whether he would join with his party in endorsing Right to Die…
2018 Olympic Canadian bobsled team announcement
Arnold Gallant of Halifax has decided to make himself and his buddy Dave Andrews participants at the next Winter Olympics, Gallant announced today. “Yeah, so I’m sitting on the couch…