White Trash rebellion in wake of Walmart decision to charge for plastic bags
Beginning February 9, Walmart customers noticed a 5 cent per bag fee added to their “low, low prices” and many are not happy. “I am not happy,” Leona Jennings complained.…
Sad Trombone Bids Farewell to Melanson
Jeff Melanson, known by co-workers as “Big Grabby”, resigned this week from his position as president and CEO of the Toronto Symphony Orchestra. “I wasn’t really surprised by his decision,”…
Bitch-slapping skank-chokers applaud Ghomeshi verdict
The acquittal of media personality and hate-fucker Jian Ghomeshi on all counts of sexual assault and choking is being celebrated nationwide today.
“Pussy” lawsuit thrown out by judge
A local judge has dismissed a defamation lawsuit in which the plaintiff alleged that the defendant called him a “pussy” on numerous occasions.
Laser eye surgery clinic demands eyes of delinquent customers
Photo: National Eye Institute (CC BY-2.0) A local laser surgery clinic is alleged to have sent “threatening” letters to customers in arrears, demanding immediate payment to avoid the repossession of…
David Bowie’s follow of God puzzles religious fans
Christian critics of music icon David Bowie are concerned that his end-of-life decision to follow God may not be enough to save him from eternal damnation for his sins, including…
New Putin-inspired fragrances will smell like food, sports
The creator of “Leaders Number One”, a fragrance inspired by Vladimir Putin, has announced that additional scents inspired by the Russian president are already under development.
Rain hampers annual Filipino cull
Despite a record effort to wipe themselves out–including a Guinness Book attempt by religious group Iglesia ni Cristo to launch more than 700,000 fireworks–the Filipino New Year death and injury…
Quebec suicide-tourism industry saved by court decision
Cheap beer and wine sorbet keep this La Tuque resident sedated while she waits for her turn for the needle. (Photo: Morgan, CC BY 2.0) Montreal—A Quebec court upheld Canada’s…
P.E.I. man ticketed for texting while driving… in his driveway
First, it was a man driving through a Tim Horton’s early in the morning to get his daily coffee in Beaumont, Alberta when he was stopped and ticketed by police…