Q: Numbers 31:32 states that: “These were the spoils which remained of the plunder taken by the fighting men: 675,000 sheep, 72,000 cattle, 61,000 donkeys, and as for persons, 32,000 young women who had had no intercourse with a man.” Does this suggest that the 800,000 livestock had experienced intercourse with a man, or, like the 32,000 women, they had not had intercourse with a man? — S.C.
Following more horrific reports of Islamist terrorist attacks overseas, a local mosque has observed a sharp increase in attendance by unemployed or underemployed single white males with little or no significant family ties.
Photo credit: FS1 – Community TV Salzburg (flickr).
JANNAH—Following the horrific massacre of 132 students at Army Public School in Peshawar, God Himself has spoken out against the Taliban.
Q: Genesis 19 is really making me wonder if Lot was such a righteous man. I mean, God did save him from the destruction of Sodom, but on the whole he looks like a drunken, incestuous pimp. Have I missed something? — S.C.
VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis fielded questions today from a small crowd of mildly-annoyed protesters gathered in St. Peter’s Square. The group alleged that John Paul II’s rush to sainthood, while arguably valid, failed to look at the real miracles he had achieved.
“Don’t get me wrong here. I liked Johnny as much as anybody—but he was no miracle worker,” said Luca Badin, “except with a deck of cards.”
Q: Deuteronomy 28:53 tells us that “because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you.” I’ve recently lost my job due to outsourcing. Does this mean I can eat my kids? — S.C.
Dear Readers: As Mr. Graham is now quite elderly and in poor health, he is occasionally given to frankness and blunt language that may seem uncharacteristic. Please forgive him, as God undoubtedly has. —The Mooseclean’s Editorial Team
Q: What did Jesus mean when He said the meek will “inherit the earth”? Am I supposed to be doing something to prepare? If so, what? — S.C.
The Quebec government is seeking to build on the success of the Charter of Quebec Values with a complimentary Charter of Quebec Norms.