Summer already booked solid
After such a long, harsh winter, Canadians across the country are welcoming summer with open arms. Just one week into June, every damn weekend has been booked. “I don’t know…
Couple’s dream of crippling debt comes true
TORONTO—Peter Juxton and Amanda Roberts sit nervously holding hands in the backseat of a black BMW 320i. Lining the street are five similar cars with five similar couples. Then comes…
Trudeau calls Dibs on assisted suicide
Federal Liberals have voted in favour of legalizing assisted suicide. Leader Justin Trudeau, hesitant, at first, to reveal whether he would join with his party in endorsing Right to Die…
Homely man’s remarriage proves love more than blind
Howard Brandt isn't exactly the man of most women's dreams. While his 5'6” tall and roughly 305 pound frame often compels a second look from the opposite sex, it's generally…
Obnoxious roommate cleans everybody else’s dishes
LOCAL—After postponing the trivial duty of washing the dishes and cookwear used to prepare the last several meals, Bilson Drive roommates Terry, Jordan, and Martin felt passively confronted by Lisa…
Saskatchewan proves it “still exists”
REGINA—With the 101st Grey Cup behind them, Regina natives can return to solidarity in good spirits knowing that their existence was confirmed for one day.
Ireland to legalize drunk driving
DUBLIN, Ireland—In a not particularly surprising move today, the government of Ireland has announced that it is considering legalizing moderately drunk driving for rural residents.
Woman lists cat as emergency contact
ALBERTA—Canmore resident Shirley Best is marching to the beat of her own drum. After years of struggling with who to name as an emergency contact, she finally settled on her…
Boyfriend deemed dead weight
TORONTO—Annex resident Holly Lola came to a realization over the long weekend. All of her boyfriend’s quirks that used to be so endearing are now just irksome. “Yeah, I’m not…
Public shaming backlash – parents beware
The trend of public shaming children has become a hot topic. But for every child made to wear a demeaning sign in public, there is a parent just as deserving.