MISSED CONNECTIONS
MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS? m4wCould an accidental walk-in during your shower this morning make us more than just roommates? You know where to find me. LOVE BLOOMS m4wSaw you at…
Workers unload leftovers at the office
LOCAL—The modern-day office serves many purposes: workplace, social experiment, trolling zone for a future partner…and a dumping ground for unwanted food. When it’s too much to give to the dog,…
Man fails to communicate awesomeness of Kraft Dinner to Mexican In-laws
After multiple attempts, a local man hung his head in despair and accepted his inability to communicate the awesomeness of Kraft Dinner Macaroni and Cheese to his Mexican in-laws, who…
Groomers discriminate – overcharge tripawds, woman complains
LOCAL—Carmen Ferris' Golden Retriever Sally is, by all accounts, the biggest sweetums you'll ever meet. At age 12-and-a-half she's the perfect pet, complete in every way – except that she…
Developer proclaims Hello Dolly ‘herpes for WordPress’
Like most people that host a WordPress blog, web developer Bryant Knight is excited when a new version comes out. New features, new look, but one distressing side effect: the…
Homely man’s remarriage proves love more than blind
Howard Brandt isn't exactly the man of most women's dreams. While his 5'6” tall and roughly 305 pound frame often compels a second look from the opposite sex, it's generally…
It’s OK, I’m a Meta-Peeping Tom
Dearest Maple Street Neighbours, I think it’s time to write you all a letter explaining my current research project. I’d wanted to surprise you with the final results but, judging…
Obnoxious roommate cleans everybody else’s dishes
LOCAL—After postponing the trivial duty of washing the dishes and cookwear used to prepare the last several meals, Bilson Drive roommates Terry, Jordan, and Martin felt passively confronted by Lisa…
Local liquor store lifts ban on four alcoholics
After rejecting four frequent customers for a period ranging from eight months to three years, the liquor retail outlet at the Important Inn has decided to relax some of its…
Feckless physician stunned by success of last-ditch veterinary venture
From the Mooseclean's 'Feelgood Files', a story of triumph after adversity. LOCAL—"I'll admit it," revealed Dr. Hamish Masdit. "I was one step away from being one of those cruise ship…