Phaneuf wins legal Stanley Cup
When everything is on the line, leadership matters. The Gall Legge Grant & Munroe LLP legal team learned that valuable lesson as they defeated TSN 1-0 in a tightly fought…
Whites agree to surrender Blues in exchange for return of NBA
In a bid to resolve a bitter feud which has persisted for generations, whites and blacks are in tense negotiations over the rightful division of key cultural communal properties, primarily…
Former teen gospel singer to headline NFL half-time show
In an attempt to increase beer sales during half-time, NFL executives have booked Katy Perry to perform at the 49th annual Super Bowl.
Teams RIDING ROUGHSHOD over REDBLACKS
The Billings Bridge BLACKREDS, Ottawa football's farm team, enjoys an occasional rugby match to break up the monotony of constant football practice. Photo: Bill Harrison (flickr) OTTAWA—The professional football team…
MMA fight between quantum physicists ends in simultaneous knockouts
The long anticipated MMA match between quantum physicists Dr. Richard Harris and Dr. Alan Hiesenbohr ended in dramatic and confusing fashion last night, with both men simultaneously knocking the other…
Timbits soccer approaches World Cup status
TORONTO—Given the wild cheering and general mayhem occurring on soccer fields across the city, you’d think the World Cup had come to Toronto. But it hasn’t. It’s just groups of…
US back to not giving two-shits about World Cup
ALL IN ONE RHYTHM™ MY ASS: Only one of these games was worth seeing, and then only if the referee hadn't shamlessly thrown the game away in favour of the…
World Cup 2014 is over
EARTH—For all intents and purposes, the World Cup is over or so it seems for many who are FIFA-obsessed. With favorites Italy and England out and defending 2010 champs Spain…
Quantum physicists agree to settle dispute with MMA fight
Interpretations of the infamous double-slit experiment in quantum mechanics have polarized scientists for decades. Now, two prominent pioneers in the world of quantum mechanics, Dr. Alan Heisenbohr and Dr. Richard…
Study finds 75% of pay-per-view buyers don’t perceive a difference between UFC and gay porn
A new study by an independent marketing firm has discovered that 75% of the pay-per-view sales from the recent UFC 169 event were from people who thought they were ordering…