Canada to Commemorate Indian Act 150 with Grilled Cheese Pow Wow on Parliament Hill
OTTAWA — In an initiative that has sparked both confusion and controversy, the Canadian government has announced plans to commemorate the 150th anniversary of the Indian Act with a unique…
Galen Weston Embraces Criticism, Unveils New Product Lines
TORONTO — In an announcement today, Loblaws president Galen Weston has decided to embrace the growing criticism and public mockery of his company by launching a new line of products…
Poilievre’s Security Clearance Avoidance: Hiding Secrets and Ducking Accountability
OTTAWA — Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre, known for his penchant for outspokenness, has found a curious loophole: silence. While the nation grapples with the shocking findings of recent reports…
Op-Ed: Diane Deans’ Name on Greenboro Community Centre? A Misguided Tribute
It appears Ottawa has chosen to honour Diane Deans by renaming the Greenboro Community Centre after her. A heartwarming gesture, surely, for those who never had the “pleasure” of dealing…
Ottawa Names First Nightlife Commissioner to Revamp the City’s Snooze-Fest Reputation
OTTAWA — Are you ready to party? No, seriously! Ottawa has appointed Mathieu Grondin as its first-ever Nightlife Commissioner. Grondin, known for his previous exploits in turning Montreal into a…
Netanyahu’s ‘No Innocents Left Behind’ Strategy Draws Global Outrage
JERUSALEM — In a spectacular display of modern warfare, Crime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has once again demonstrated his unwavering commitment to eradicating Hamas—regardless of the cost. The recent Israeli air…
Google Abandons Privacy Pretense as Chief Privacy Officer Resigns
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — In a move that has left privacy advocates and tech industry insiders stunned, Keith Enright, Google’s Chief Privacy Officer of over 13 years, announced his resignation…
Microsoft’s SaaS-y Evolution of Windows Into Spyware Causes Concern
REDMOND, Wash. — In a development that has left tech enthusiasts scratching their heads and privacy advocates tearing their hair out, Microsoft has now modified its flagship operating system, Windows,…
Scientists’ “Mating for Life” Experiment Ends in Divorce
WINNIPEG — In a twist of fate that has left the scientific community reeling, Doctors Emily and Jonathan Parker, renowned for their groundbreaking research on lifelong pair bonding, have announced…
Perfect Suit Undermined by Questionable Shoe Choice
OTTAWA — A local man’s attempt at sartorial excellence took an unexpected turn this week when his impeccable suit was egregiously undermined by a pair of hideous shoes, according to…