Harper to outsource human Canadians
To avoid the ramifications of a nuclear holocaust, severe global warming, or any other world-wide catastrophe – human consciousness will be conceived into computer circuits by the year 2100, Prime…
Chris Hadfield depleted drug stash at International Space Station
Renowned Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield has been accused of consuming more than his share of mind-altering drugs aboard the International Space Station .
MMA fight between quantum physicists ends in simultaneous knockouts
The long anticipated MMA match between quantum physicists Dr. Richard Harris and Dr. Alan Hiesenbohr ended in dramatic and confusing fashion last night, with both men simultaneously knocking the other…
Welcome to The Dark Side
It’s blacker than DARK was supposed to be. Blacker than my last boyfriend’s heart. Blacker than Hitler’s soul. Vantablack is believed to be the world’s darkest material. Absorbing 99.96% of…
“We should refocus on creating Artificial Stupidity” says U of T scientist
Gianni Lucifero, a top scientist at the University of Toronto, has written a paper claiming that the way to successfully reproduce human consciousness is by creating what he calls “artificial…
Most Canadian guys still can’t beat up their dads, study says
A recent study has concluded that for the first time in modern history, the average Canadian male between the ages of 25 and 40 still can’t beat up his own…
Breathing increases risk of cancer, study finds
Tuktoyaktuk, NWT—You quit smoking, cut back on drinking, started exercising regularly, and bought organic products. Good for you. . .but sadly, not good enough. You're still utterly screwed, according to…
Fucking A! Swearing makes you feel better, scientists say
The next time someone tells you to stop cursing, tell them it's therapeutic... then tell them to fuck off. This according to new research by Richard Stephens and some other…
Quantum physicists agree to settle dispute with MMA fight
Interpretations of the infamous double-slit experiment in quantum mechanics have polarized scientists for decades. Now, two prominent pioneers in the world of quantum mechanics, Dr. Alan Heisenbohr and Dr. Richard…
Astronaut has opportunity to meet Alex Van Hamme
Photo: Alex Van Hamme Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield enjoyed the opportunity to meet Mooseclean’s writer Alex Van Hamme at a Chapters bookstore this weekend. “He’s way nicer than I thought…