The 2024 Presidential Election: A True American Horror Story
Dear Americans, lock your doors, turn on all the lights, and clutch your loved ones tight. The 2024 presidential election season is here, and it’s shaping up to be a…
Embarrassment Cited as Cause of Death in Robert Trump’s Passing
He was known as the ‘younger’ Trump, the ‘quieter’ Trump, the ‘actually-not-an-asshole’ Trump, and the ‘surpisingly-not-bat-fucking-insane’ Trump. He was a patient supporter and eloquent defender of his elder brother, and…
Angry Orange Volcano Named for POTUS
Hawaii—Unstable. Unpredictable. A wispy orange top. It practically named itself. With an angry orange glow, the Kilauea Volcano is destroying everything in its path. This natural disaster seems to have…
Cheeto-in-Chief and Kim Jong-un Argue Over Remaining Horsemen of the Apocalypse
WORLD—After taunting each other publicly over North Korean missile tests, world leaders Donald Drumpf and Kim Jong-un have a new beef. They can’t agree who should sit astride the third…
Drumpf-era White House uses HBO’s Deadwood as Model
WASHINGTON—Deadwood, the fictional American western television show with elements of racism, corruption and blue language, has been identified as the inspiration for Donald J. Drumpf’s White House. “I’m a big…
Drumpf Drunk-Texted Putin Ahead of Friday Meeting
WASHINGTON, DC—U up? It was perhaps the result of too many light beers, a full day of golfing in the sun and not enough hot dogs. On Independence Day, in…
Melania Moves Into the White House on the Condition that The Donald Moves Out
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After five months of living apart, the President of the United States and the first lady are now living apart in different places. When elected, the Cheeto-in-Chief claimed he…
Elon Musk announces Drumpf/Mars 0.1 Mission
NEW YORK—Following their historic first meeting Donald Drumpf and Elon Musk have announced a bold venture to Make America Great Again.
Trumpelstiltskin identified as Patient Zero in Creepy Clown epidemic
U.S.A.—Since August, sightings of creepy clowns or “killer clowns” have been reported across the U.S., Canada and even in the U.K. Now, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention…
Don the Con blames Clinton’s pneumonia on Mexicans
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After revealing she has pneumonia, Hillary Clinton has been forced to take some time off the campaign trail. Donald Drumpf commented on the culprit he suspects during a recent…