NEW YORK—In a partially historic move, Ireland is set to recognize the Palestinian state at a house party, yet declines to say ‘hello’.
Spurred by stalling domestic sales and the success of ultra-cheap vehicles in China and India, South Korean auto-producer Kia has announced “a bargain car for the rest of us”.
“People love new. People love cheap. People love biodegradable. SBOX is all this and more,” said Minjoon Kim, Director of Retail Development and Market Representation at Kia Motors Canada.
As a pre-emptive measure to ease tensions with Mennonite colonies living in rural Manitoba, the People’s Republic of North Korea (PKR) has indefinitely postponed the release of 순종 여성 목장 손, which translates into “Obedient Female Ranch Hand.”
HOLLYWOOD—In an effort to rehabilitate his waning reputation, Bill Cosby has signed on to do a cross-country tour of The Vagina Monologues.
Photo credit: FS1 – Community TV Salzburg (flickr).
JANNAH—Following the horrific massacre of 132 students at Army Public School in Peshawar, God Himself has spoken out against the Taliban.
British Royals Prince William and Kate Middleton were in New York City recently. As part of their first visit to the Big Apple, the couple attended a Brooklyn Nets/Cleveland Cavaliers game. In a post-game photo op, NBA star LeBron James (“King James”) breached royal protocol when he slung his arm over the shoulder of Kate Middleton.
Myriad, the company that created a firestorm of anger with its patent of the mutated BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes associated with cancer, now owns the patents to your koochie or baloney pony and dangleberries.
“U.S. Supreme Court rulings have set a clear precedent for what can be patented under the U.S. Patent Act,” explains Ronald L. Barr, Myriad’s legal counsel. “In particular, the definition created in Diamond v. Chakrabarty is ‘anything under the sun that is made by man.’ We think genitals definitely qualify.”
LOS ANGELES, California—CBS Productions announced today that Bill Cosby will star in a reincarnation of the popular television franchise which has delighted audiences since 1945.
BERKLEY, California—An event marking Indigenous People’s Day ended in tragedy after twenty-three people were infected with smallpox, killing at least five.
With above-average literacy, healthcare-fortified bodies, and predominantly white skin, Canada’s homeless are a booming export to America’s economically decimated subprime mortgage crisis urban wastelands.
Deputy Premier Deb Matthews has finally tipped her hand on Ontario’s new Poverty Reduction Strategy to end homelessness.