Scarborough man makes his own luck
Christmas at his parent’s house always meant new socks. However, last year, in addition to the socks, Sebastian Crawley got an idea that changed his life forever. “We opened presents…
2018 Olympic Canadian bobsled team announcement
Arnold Gallant of Halifax has decided to make himself and his buddy Dave Andrews participants at the next Winter Olympics, Gallant announced today. “Yeah, so I’m sitting on the couch…
Environment Canada declares wildlife dangerous to the environment
Canada’s Minister of the Environment, The Honourable Leona Aglukkaq has declared all Canadian wildlife a threat to the environment. “Beavers destroy thousands of trees a year,” Aglukkaq said. ”Cows and…
Man eats shit, dies
ST. JOHN’S—Local plumber and smart ass John Hyde died this week after being infected with Baylisascaris procyonis. Public health officials say this is the first case of B. procyonis death…
Homely man’s remarriage proves love more than blind
Howard Brandt isn't exactly the man of most women's dreams. While his 5'6” tall and roughly 305 pound frame often compels a second look from the opposite sex, it's generally…
It’s OK, I’m a Meta-Peeping Tom
Dearest Maple Street Neighbours, I think it’s time to write you all a letter explaining my current research project. I’d wanted to surprise you with the final results but, judging…
Toronto Mayor’s bizarre homophobia attributed to estranged relationship with penis
A doomed love affair between a young Rob Ford and his penis could be what spurred the 44-year-old Toronto mayor to demand the Gay Pride flag be removed from Toronto…