Therapist urges patient to cut ties with her emotionally abusive favourite sports team
A therapist is urging 28-year-old fan Trish Kelsey to sever all ties with her favourite sports team, whose perennial losing ways have become abusive.
Extremely harsh winter caused by awkward man’s prayer for something to talk about
A Hamilton man is claiming the extremely harsh winter is a result of his prayers for God to help him with small talk.
Farewell to February
Record-breaking cold temperatures, chart-topping snowfall and storms galore made the shortest calendar month seem like the longest. Mooseclean’s put a woman on the street to ask hearty Torontonians what they…
75-year-old woman beats police officer mercilessly after being tasered
OAKVILLE—A police officer is recovering in hospital after a 75-year-old woman he tasered "became super strong" and "laid a beat down on him".
Ice storm peddling confirms that winter cyclists are certifiably fucktarded
OTTAWA—Despite 15 millimetres of freezing rain coating the 18 centimetres of snow that fell recently, observers report that Ottawa bikes are continuing to traverse the National Capital Region.
Wife-beating, homophobic, substance abuser regrets decision not to run for Toronto city council
Photo: Colleen Morgan, flickr. TORONTO—With the results of the election now confirmed, John Lewandowski nervously plays with his crack pipe. "My bookie said my chances were good, I should have…
Air Canada: Go far. But not before paying a luggage fee.
TORONTO—If you’re flying Air Canada this fall, you have two choices: pack light or bend over. Citing the reason “everybody else is doing it”, the country’s largest carrier will be…
Teams RIDING ROUGHSHOD over REDBLACKS
The Billings Bridge BLACKREDS, Ottawa football's farm team, enjoys an occasional rugby match to break up the monotony of constant football practice. Photo: Bill Harrison (flickr) OTTAWA—The professional football team…
Ontario Deputy Premier to fix homeless problem by mass deportation
With above-average literacy, healthcare-fortified bodies, and predominantly white skin, Canada's homeless are a booming export to America's economically decimated subprime mortgage crisis urban wastelands. Deputy Premier Deb Matthews has finally…
Torontonians surprised Rob Ford tumour not found in head
TORONTO—Ontarians were shocked this week to learn that Mayor-for-the-meantime Rob Ford was admitted to hospital with an abdominal tumour after complaining of stomach pains. "Abdomen? Really?" exclaimed Gerald Waymire of…