A Hamilton man is claiming the extremely harsh winter is a result of his prayers for God to help him with small talk.
Record-breaking cold temperatures, chart-topping snowfall and storms galore made the shortest calendar month seem like the longest. Mooseclean’s put a woman on the street to ask hearty Torontonians what they will NOT miss about last month. So fuck you, February. Here’s hoping March brings a kinder, gentler version of winter.
OAKVILLE—A police officer is recovering in hospital after a 75-year-old woman he tasered “became super strong” and “laid a beat down on him”.
OTTAWA—Despite 15 millimetres of freezing rain coating the 18 centimetres of snow that fell recently, observers report that Ottawa bikes are continuing to traverse the National Capital Region.
Photo: Colleen Morgan, flickr.
TORONTO—With the results of the election now confirmed, John Lewandowski nervously plays with his crack pipe.
“My bookie said my chances were good, I should have gone for it. Why didn’t I? That guy knows the odds.”
TORONTO—If you’re flying Air Canada this fall, you have two choices: pack light or bend over. Citing the reason “everybody else is doing it”, the country’s largest carrier will be charging $25 for the first checked bag on all its cheapest flights.
The Billings Bridge BLACKREDS, Ottawa football’s farm team, enjoys an occasional rugby match to break up the monotony of constant football practice.
Photo: Bill Harrison (flickr)
OTTAWA—The professional football team hailing from the nation’s capital has been called many things: Ottawa Football Club, Rough Riders, Senators, Renegades and REDBLACKS. Currently, they are referred to simply as losers, with the worst record in the CFL and a paltry single win this season.
With above-average literacy, healthcare-fortified bodies, and predominantly white skin, Canada’s homeless are a booming export to America’s economically decimated subprime mortgage crisis urban wastelands.
Deputy Premier Deb Matthews has finally tipped her hand on Ontario’s new Poverty Reduction Strategy to end homelessness.
TORONTO—Ontarians were shocked this week to learn that Mayor-for-the-meantime Rob Ford was admitted to hospital with an abdominal tumour after complaining of stomach pains.
“Abdomen? Really?” exclaimed Gerald Waymire of North York.
Often it happens that I lie awake at night, unable to sleep, or sleeping fitfully as I ponder the ants that urinate in my driveway.
It isn’t enough that they inhabit my property, feast on my fertile grasses, and write weekly letters to the editor complaining about the appalling conditions under which they live. Of course I am never named in these letters, but I know that everyone knows that they mean me. Who else’s ants write to the local newspaper?