New resident obtains employment with notorious local asshole
Word eventually gets around about the people you’d better not work for. But what happens when you’ve just moved somewhere new and desperately need a job? Jill Rondeau found out…
‘Well Baby’ still ‘doing well’ at age 30
MIDLAND, Texas—When 18-month-old Jessica McClure fell into a well in her aunt’s backyard in 1987, many feared for her well-being, wondering not only how she would recover physically from the…
Don the Con blames Clinton’s pneumonia on Mexicans
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After revealing she has pneumonia, Hillary Clinton has been forced to take some time off the campaign trail. Donald Drumpf commented on the culprit he suspects during a recent…
Coffee houses burn in java gangland
OTTAWA—A bitter turf war between two rival upstarts and the industry powerhouses has seemingly resulted in another java joint burned to the ground.
Eyewitnesses sought in vehicular death
LOCAL—Police are requesting assistance from witnesses to the hit and run death of a young male by a motor vehicle at the corner of Hunt and Green.
Best Canadian Olympics Ever?
After a couple or weeks in Rio, the Canadian Olympic Team enjoyed great success. The team finished tenth in the medal standings, including four Gold. We had some great contributors…
America wants Grace, Too
U.S.A.—After witnessing the love-in produced by the final concert of The Tragically Hip’s Man Machine Poem tour, the U.S. is looking for a band to create national unity.
IOC admits to hiring Brazil for its looks
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL—The 2016 Rio Summer Olympics are mired in uncertainty. Concerns about pollution, crime and a lack of preparedness have plagued the Games. Now, a top IOC official…