Andrew Ridgeley’s “Legacy of Wham!” Tour Reminds Us He Was There, Too
WADEBRIDGE, CORNWALL, ENGLAND — Andrew Ridgeley, the often overlooked half of the iconic 1980s pop duo Wham!, is hitting the road solo in a bold bid to remind the world…
Untaxed Cigarettes Pose Significant Health Risk, Government Warns
OTTAWA — In a recent announcement that has left the public gasping for breath, the Government of Canada has issued a dire warning about the dangers of untaxed cigarettes. According…
Stalled Escalators Entrap Thousands Each Year
EDMONTON — In what some are calling a “national crisis in vertical mobility,” a new study has found that stalled escalators causes thousands of unsuspecting citizens each year to remain…
Scientists Observe Antivax Trend as Darwinism in Action
ATLANTA — In a groundbreaking study that has both amused and alarmed the scientific community, researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have concluded that the antivax…
Don the Con Retains Hearing, Loses Ability to Listen Following Failed Assassination
Former President Donald Drumpf has reportedly completely lost the ability to listen after a botched attempt on his life left him with a grazed ear. However, insiders claim that the…
Toronto Mayor Introduces Sidewalk Fast Lanes to Accommodate Impatient Pedestrians
TORONTO — In a bold move to address the growing impatience of urban pedestrians, the Mayor of Toronto, Olivia Chow, has announced the introduction of “fast lanes” on city sidewalks.…
Drumpf Election, COVID-19 Lockdown Delivered Knockout Punch to Human Decorum
OTTAWA — Sociologists and etiquette aficionados alike continue grappling with a societal shift of unprecedented proportions. The overall consensus blames the presidency of Donald Drumpf and the subsequent COVID-19 lockdown…
The 2024 Presidential Election: A True American Horror Story
Dear Americans, lock your doors, turn on all the lights, and clutch your loved ones tight. The 2024 presidential election season is here, and it’s shaping up to be a…
Blue’s Clues Booze Cruise Sinking Childhood Memories
MIAMI — Parents across the nation are reeling this week after news broke that Steve Burns, the beloved former host of the children’s television show “Blue’s Clues,” has launched a…
Nerds Invade Yukon for Permafrost Thaw
In a world where a frozen wasteland is the new last-chance-to-see tourist hotspot, scientists and engineers are flocking to the Yukon to witness the majestic thawing of permafrost. Who needs…