Juno Awards nominees no surprise – Not even a little
TORONTO—The 2014 Juno Awards nominees were announced this week. The list came as a surprise to nobody. All the usual suspects litter the roster of Canada’s best musicians. Hedley? Yep.…
Bell Canada’s Depeche Mode cover singer believed to be real cause of death of Philip Seymour Hoffman
Believed at first to be heroin, Mooseclean’s has learned that something far more terrifying and insidious really killed actor Philip Seymour Hoffman. “He thought it was Max Headroom when he…
Ontario man hacks vehicle computer to pass emissions test
When his 2007 Corolla failed to pass Ontario's “new and improved” Drive Clean program, Thomas Callaghan was aghast. “I just can't believe it,” he told Mooseclean's. “Two years ago the…
Moustache misread maddens Medicine Hat man
An Alberta man is suing his former East Vancouver neighbourhood for refusing to acknowledge the ironic ethos behind his 1970s moustache. DJ McSweeney – now known as Bradley Brummond of…
“Dark Knight” Peter MacKay to patrol red light districts
Federal Minister of Justice and Attorney General Peter MacKay, angered that New Brunswick is dropping current prosecutions of prostitutes and Johns, is taking matters into his own hands. "I will…
Rehab is penicillin for your personality
It seems more and more celebrities are embracing rehab as an alternative to issuing an apology, going to jail or just being less of an asshole. Rehab for Old Hollywood…
My Answer: Eating your children
Q: Deuteronomy 28:53 tells us that "because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh…
Cutting the cheese
EAST COAST, USA—What food comes in a loaf, melts like a dream and is shelf stable? Velveeta, of course! But the processed cheese product that coats teeth and adheres to…