Employer rejects resume laced with drug references
LOCAL—Citing several obvious references to illegal street drugs, A Cut Above butcher shop owner Alan Martin chose not to hire applicant Jeff Bothwell as a prep assistant.
Rob Ford receiving advice from new advisory panel of ‘experts’
with files from amiableCDN and Kevin Phillips TORONTO—Beseiged by a now disloyal city council and a petition from 100,000 Torontonians demanding his resignation, Mayor-for-the-Meantime Rob Ford has assembled a team…
Book Fight Club
KAMLOOPS, B.C.—Amy Parsons was hosting her monthly book club Sunday night when discussion and laughter devolved into insults and fisticuffs. “I’m not really sure how it happened. One minute, we…
Santa to Mayor Ford: “Don’t Rain On My Parade”
For the first time ever, Santa Claus has issued a Press Release, a Special Statement, from the North Pole. This missive was received by Mooseclean’s today, just a day before…
Toronto in terror over purported Rob Ford sex video
TORONTO—Yes, Rob loves the ladies. But just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, multiple sources are now alleging that Mayor Rob Ford routinely enjoyed the company of prostitutes…
LGBT group decries FDA ban on Trans Fats
Trans Fats will be systematically eliminated from American society if a proposed ban by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration is given approval, according to an official news release on…
Quebec abandons sovereignty bid indefinitely
QUEBEC CITY—In an astounding turn of events today, the province of Quebec has formally announced that they are deferring their bid for sovereignty indefinitely amid concerns about increasing projected costs.
University tackles question: ‘What Does the Fox Say?’
OTTAWA—Ever since Norwegian comedy duo Ylvis released their smash hit The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?), academics have been working hard to answer the question. At Carleton University, the…