Fat, stupid escalator riders eaten by zombie inventor gone amok
Most people have never heard of Jesse Wilford Reno but too many, it seems, are habitual abusers of his most famous invention: the escalator. "I've been rolling in my grave…
Local man calls in sad for work
Earlier today Pat Grandall, 38, called his boss to say that he was too sad to work.
New drug promises to help Canadians sleep better at night
A new drug which scientists claim will help millions of Canadians sleep better at night will be hitting the market on Friday. The drug, called Zonoplasmo, is designed to treat…
Special K keeps the blues away
OTTAWA—Interested in a fast-acting, quick metabolizing anti-depressant that can also result in some pretty rad hallucinations? Then get in line for some Ketamine. “For reals?” asked surprised club DJ, Max…
Calgary man misunderstands Ice Bucket Challenge, victims shaken
Above: The best time to help someone with ALS is anytime they're least expecting it. A Calgary man has been arraigned on charges after performing the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.
Nobody has a problem with breastfeeding in public
Those who oppose breastfeeding in public don't exist, but that doesn't stop women activists from waging war against them.
Breathing increases risk of cancer, study finds
Tuktoyaktuk, NWT—You quit smoking, cut back on drinking, started exercising regularly, and bought organic products. Good for you. . .but sadly, not good enough. You're still utterly screwed, according to…
Polio Outbreak: A Modest Proposal
Polio is a vaccine preventable disease. Yet, there are currently outbreaks in at least 10 countries causing the World Health Organization (WHO) to declare a public health emergency. There is…
Calorie counts to curb obesity? Fat chance!
OTTAWA—Health Minister Deb Matthews has announced legislation requiring fast food chains to display calorie and nutritional information on their menus and menu boards. Officials hope the move will help the…
Feckless physician stunned by success of last-ditch veterinary venture
From the Mooseclean's 'Feelgood Files', a story of triumph after adversity. LOCAL—"I'll admit it," revealed Dr. Hamish Masdit. "I was one step away from being one of those cruise ship…